Be kind to yourself
Why is it that we can be so hard on ourselves?
It’s funny how much obvious it is to observe it in others and act accordingly rather than in ourselves. Funny isn’t the right word really, interesting too unspecific, perhaps ‘enlightening’ might start to describe it?
Sometimes you need to see someone else you care about push themselves too hard to allow the space for complete surrender.
We’re probably only ten minutes into this first boxing class, ten minutes after one of my choir weirdo friends warns us to take it easy on our first class. This piece of advice must have translated directly into my partner’s head into “only throw yourself 120% into this” and ten minutes later my partner is forced to lie down in the shade on the ground until colours slowly decide to creep back into his exhausted being. For a few moments, the only thing to do is rest and accept really that the only thing to do is rest for a while.
While do we do that? Why do we lack the self-awareness, the knowledge of our own limits and why is it really that some of us operate dangerously close to this limit that we become oblivious to its transgression, time after time. What’s the point? Do we feel there is something we need to prove? Who cares though? I think we must have convinced ourselves or somehow deeply integrated within our patterns that we do it for ourselves, but I don’t think I am buying this society or ‘self-inflicted’ mythology anymore.
Can we take a step back and treat ourselves the way we would be treating a friend, with kindness and understanding.
It is okay, friend, you are allowed to rest. You have nothing to prove.
On being ordinary
Self-deprecating thoughts and emotions point to some of our deepest beliefs, ingrained in us as somehow what we consider our truth. These thoughts which are mere figments of our built-in imagination.
Did we think we were special? Although we are indeed unique, as much as everyone is, some situations have the capacity to reveal something that stings: we are not special.
We then instantaneously and painfully move from the ‘overestimation of self’ paradigm to the underestimation sensation taking us down to the bottom of self-worth. In this very group, we are far from being the best, and beyond the unhealthy comparison we are not even good.
As a way to remind us we should not take the skills we have for granted, we should forget the rejection as the opposition of an artistic dream that could never be and appreciate what we have.
Feelings teach us something about us, and although they can hurt, at least they remind us that we are alive.
Now beyond the uneasy emotions, what could be interesting is what we make of this and how we can transform our intellectual laziness into our own low-level but unique art form, free of judgement, as well as accept not to be special and still enjoy the experience.
The Chase
The drive moving us forward
The objective, target, goal
Getting us to get up in the morning
What is left when the target is met
Aching emptiness
No more path to look for
The obligation to be
The shame of resting
The need to fill
The pressure to enjoy
The fear of the ordinary
Making us chase the extraordinary
The fear of the in between
Making us seek an ending
Human
Let me be
Let me be outwardly clear about the fact that I do not believe to be special.
I do not believe that the sense of responsibility that I experience about trying to do something useful for the planet has anything to do with being special.
It has to do with being human.
I deeply believe it should be everyone’s responsibility. Everyone should love and be in such awe of the planet and its incredible species that we all should only feel able to feel responsible for this earth we are a part of.
We are not special.
You are not special.
I am not special.
All that matters is the connection we have to other humans, species and the planet we are a part of.
Let it be.