Dear Glennon and Amanda,

I consider the likelihood of these words being read by anyone but myself low but I believe the process of writing them will help at least one person think through them, so here they are.

I listened to Episode #282 on our relationship to stuff and I think you are both right. I found this discussion fascinating because I resonated with both sides of the coin you presented, yet identified with a third way.

This excites me because I recently reflected on dualism and the way our brains tend to easily come up with two options but can find it so hard to see an alternative altogether. Let me be clear, I am not offering a wise alternative. I am just pointing out a personified example of a messy middle.

Here it comes. And yes, of course we need a Venn diagram for this!

Like Amanda, I carry around a deeply ingrained sense of needing to be useful and to be prepared for whatever comes. I am the kind of person who thinks about Future Me and tries to make her life easier. It doesn’t always work out (even when all you want to do is give yourself a milkshake) but I am mostly grateful for her. I certainly don’t expect or trust that things will just work out. I think about the different scenarios and plan for what I consider important, and try to let go of the other non-realised realities. But for some reason, this doesn’t translate into making me a keeper of things.

Like Glennon, a certain level of tidiness makes my brain feel calm. My body needs to know I could go anytime, that I am not holding onto things that could create a barrier to exit. I think that’s linked to my slightly avoidant style which circles back to the fact I tend to be prepared. It’s as if in my mind I prepare for Freedom. Obviously that doesn’t mean I am free or think I am.

I guess clutter is also so relative and we all sit somewhere on that spectrum. My partner and I live in a two-storey apartment in Melbourne, most of our furniture, books and clothes are second-hand, and we don’t have kids for planetary boundary reasons. But I definitely wouldn’t call myself a minimalist, if only judging by the ridiculous amount of tree bark photos stored on my phone that I had to turn into a tree-bark collection, or the absurd amount of colourful earrings I own.

All of this to say, we can be both the highly-prepared type and value our illusion of independence so much that we do not or cannot hold onto stuff. A third way. We can have relatively low material clutter and more clutter in our mental closet; because our sense of usefulness dictates that we prioritise bigger issues.

I think you are both right that this is all about control, except that the incredibly fascinating humans that we all are, manifest it singularly. We have found different ways of expressing our illusion of control:

• Amanda through gathering stuff just in case
• Glennon through creating space
• Yasmina through preparing for freedom.

You mentioned in the episode the ‘untrusting of our own body to have memory’. I love this and believe we are the embodiment of all moments and experiences lived in our past until now. This is who we are and the only way we know how to be. In a way, the conversations you are having on the podcast are influencing the way people are thinking and feeling, and although we have never met and likely never will, this conversation has contributed to shaping me, to shaping us, which will have a flow on effect onto the collective We. Thank you. Thank you for bringing thoughtfulness and beautiful pieces to the wondrous puzzle of life.

Love,

Yasmina